This is a conversation I find inevitably crops up at some point with every client I have worked with. Most of my clients, just like I was at a point in my life, come to me after being completely trapped in a diet culture mindset and as a result have developed a poor relationship with food and their body. On the flip side, other's with have found support in the body positivity movement, which is wonderful, but find it can also become quite toxic as a few people have opened up to me about how this movement then makes them feel guilty for wanting to lose weight for health reasons, due to a condition they have or to just feel better. So where do we draw the line and what is the best approach to take?
The answer always lies somewhere in the middle! I feel like nowadays we are so quick to swing too far in either direction and base all of our beliefs and opinions there, unwilling to even listen or consider the other side. Whilst I personally am way more favourable of body positivity (diet culture can most definitely get in the bin!), I don’t think that should mean people aren’t allowed to pursue a weight loss goal if it’s done in a safe way, with the right support for the correct reasons.
We will never live in a society that is happy with or at least neutral about all bodies if the emphasis, whether positive or negative, is ALWAYS about what our bodies look like and placing a lot of our worth on our appearance. In this case, I believe that practicing body neutrality can help in developing a better relationship with our body. But before I get into that, let me explain a little bit more about diet culture and body positivity to give a better understanding.
The Body Positivity Movement and Fat Activism came about in 1969. A young engineer in New York named Bill Fabrey was extremely angry about the way the world was treating and perceived his fat wife, Joyce.
He gained a small following and from that created NAAFA, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance.
In 1973 the ground-breaking Fat Liberation Manifesto was released by a group of Californian Feminists known as Fat Underground.
It demanded equal rights for fat people in all areas of life and called out diet culture industries by declaring them enemies.
NAAFA is now known as the world’s longest-running organisation working for #EqualityAtEverySize. Fat phobia extends into health care and medicine with people of larger bodies being denied certain treatments, medicine and even operations due to their size. Discrimination can also be faced in the workplace and educational settings.
The Body Positivity movement has been extremely powerful in its work to aim to shape a society where all fat people can be celebrated and liberated from every form of oppression they have faced. Every body shape and size should be celebrated but it does completely miss the question of; by whom? With this movement now being taken over by anyone and everyone on social media it sometimes completely misses the point of why it was even created in the first place. As great as this movement can be some people and companies now use it as a way to objectify and sexualise larger bodies or simply adjust the scale of what is deemed a “desirable body.” It’s no secret that being thin and pretty comes with a lot of privileges given by society that those in larger bodies do not experience. Some people argue that this movement “glorifies obesity” in an unhealthy way. Others feel that any kind of weight loss talk is toxic, whilst some within the movement actually believe that weight loss talk should be included in the movement as weight loss can help people feel better about themselves. For me the key word being FEEL better. Besides, “healthy” doesn’t have a universal look. It looks completely different on everyone.
On the flip side, Diet Culture is the persistent belief that our appearance and body shape are more important than physical, psychological, and general well-being. It's the idea that controlling your body through unhealthy diet and exercise regimes is normal.
Diet culture normalises labelling foods as good and bad, or creating a mindset that food needs to be earned or that you don’t deserve it if you haven’t worked out. Terms such as “cheat meals/days,” “on plan and off plan,” and “clean eating” are a product of diet culture.It may also cause people to label themselves as good or bad depending on what foods they have or have not eaten. Diet culture is one factor that contributes to disordered eating habits and in turn if not careful, the onset of full-blown eating disorders. This generally occurs from a lack of focus on correct nutrition whilst instead prioritising low calorie foods. People who buy into diet culture are more likely to have poor self-image, regularly participate in negative self-talk, and believe that being thin or looking a certain aesthetic makes them a better person than someone who doesn’t hold the same values. It also emphasises an all or nothing mentality. Many reasons as you can see why I think diet culture needs to be absolutely cancelled.
The main question I can’t help but ask is despite all this... Shouldn’t the effort be to normalise all bodies without placing our worth on what they look like?
So, what really does help when it comes to developing a better relationship with our body?
Body neutrality steps back from the idea that the majority of our worth is based on how we look. It directs our focus from looks to how well our body functions. Our worth should not be based on unattainable beauty standards, standards that I would argue have gotten increasingly worse since the dawn of social media, body/face altering filters and apps that make it so easy to photoshop images and videos. By adopting healthier habits and a more positive mindset, this can help us to create peace with our body. Body neutrality isn’t about fiercely loving our body every single day, it’s about acceptance. No matter what we are feeling, look like or experiencing, we accept how our body shows up on any given day.
We need to retrain our minds and step away from the ideals of what we think our bodies should look like to truly heal as a society, instead learning to celebrate all our bodies are capable of. We need to approach our health, wellness and fitness endeavours as something that can make us FEEL better. We are a bi-product of our daily habits- what we feel like, how we function, the life we lead, is all a result of the little things we do every day. In turn this may affect how our bodies look but that should come as a bi-product of adopting better habits and a secondary focus to how we feel. I focus on getting my client to notice how the actions they take make them feel both physically and mentally, regardless of their body size. In a society where there is a new diet trend every week, wouldn’t it be incredible to instead craft a lifestyle of healthy eating habits that become second nature making you feel good every single day. A balance of all foods and where fitness enhances your life but isn’t your whole life.
A body is a body. We are so much more than just our outer shell. Our body houses our soul, spirit, mind, personality, our heart, and keeps them all safe. We can appreciate our body and how it works so hard to take care of us by learning how to take care of it, in a way that isn’t made up of toxic behaviours that actually do our body and mind more harm than good.
For those who do want to embark on a weight loss journey, I’m always an advocate of helping people achieve that. But first I ask them the all-important question; why? Why are you pursuing weight loss? If it’s for the above reasons shoved down your throat by diet culture that you are not worthy, desirable or loveable living in the body you have now, then you are unfortunately setting a goal for the wrong reasons. You need to do the deeper work as solely changing the shape or size of your body won’t get rid of those feelings. Your “ideal body size” will just become a forever moving goal post that you will never be happy with when you reach it. Remember if you have a poor relationship with food or your body, they probably aren’t the direct things that need fixing, it usually goes much deeper than that. But engaging in another fad diet isn’t going to fix anything.
And a gentle reminder... your body is supposed to change throughout its life. It may become smaller, bigger, softer, leaner, more curvy etc depending on your age, current lifestyle, pre or post babies or any life stresses and experiences you may be facing. It isn't supposed to stay the same way forever so if you have gained weight for whatever reason, cut yourself some slack and practice radical kindness and compassion on youself!
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